Today is much better. I finally figured out why my thoughts have been so erratic and scattered. I am going through sugar withdraw. It's pretty bad right now. It explains a lot - why I'm anxious, unsettled, why my fight or flight is so often triggered and I'm running from it.
I did text Terry yesterday. Just said hi. Asked him if he knew where to get buffalo meat around here. Lee and I can't seem to find any.
That's about it. This morning, I realized this is not a path I want to really go down again. If I hear back from him, ok. If not, ok. I don't really care either way. Getting a hold of him was not to reconnect in any big way. I guess we have kind of started to reconnect over the past week as it is. It's just ...
I don't really know what it is. I don't want a relationship with him again. I am happy with Lee. Lee treats me very very well. Why would I want to go back to someone who treated me so badly? Nope, I definitely don't.
I think it's all coming down to my wanting to help people again. Yeah, I think I've gotta get over that. I don't need to keep attracting "wounded animals" into my life. I deserve so much better. I deserve real friends, who'll be there for me when I need someone. Who'll be there to help me celebrate the happy times. To be a shoulder to cry on in the tough times.
So I'm thinking it's done. I won't be in touch with Tammy or Terry again. If I hear back from them, I'll respond. But I won't go seeking them out anymore.
I don't know what is wrong with me - I seem to keep seeking out these high risk situations. Thing is, I don't really like it most of the time.
Oh well. At least once in a while I can see what I'm doing, and realize I don't want it.
Sometime this week, I'll have to start the job search again. That's a whole other story. I'll get into it later.