My heart is still so heavy. I just don't know what to do about this.
Sitting here waiting is not right.
I was online looking for work back in Calgary tonight. I think it's time for me to make a change. When I was out walking tonight, I realized I just don't want to be here anymore. I am so angry. I just can't shake it. There's no future for me here. Not the way things are going right now anyway.
Why not? I have a job. It pays well. I can find a way to make it work. I just need to find somewhere else to live. Here is not good for me.
Colin will be coming home tomorrow sometime. I don't want to be here. He can't even be bothered to take the time to tell me how his day is going. I have a pretty good idea why. I guess he figures I'm just some dumb idiot who will go along with his crap. WRONG! I deserve so much better than this.
So why do I stay? Because I have no where else to go right now.
Why can't I just make this work? Why can't I find a life of my own and just focus on work?
Maybe I should distract myself for a while tonight. I could go through my clothes. See what fits, and what doesn't. Repack my van.
I just really don't want to.
Let's see. What other tools do I have that I can use. Distraction. Turning the mind.